As someone who has suffered their entire life, from earliest memories to present day, I know the harsh realities that existence has to offer.
In my 33 years on this earth, I’ve experienced severe childhood trauma (both physical and mental), social rejection, bullying, being used by women, etc. It wasn’t 100% bad, but the good never made up for it.
This led to multiple diagnoses – borderline personality disorder w/ avoidance features, major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, anhedonia, substance abuse issues, and PTSD. I’m currently on SSI because of these factors.
I also witnessed the monumental suffering of others – especially my ex-wife; who has the third most painful disease in the world; Adiposis Delorosa (Dercum’s Disease), along with severe lymphedema as a secondary illness. She also barely survived a car wreck when we were married, further disabling her.
Despite what I’ve endured, the most painful and tragic part about my life is not being able to end it all on my own terms; with peaceful methods at my disposal. I have wanted this since 2007…never once changing my mind. I attempted suicide twice but will get to that in another blog.
I strongly believe in self-ownership and choice above all! Life is not permanent nor is it for everyone.
Since our mothers had the absolute right to bring us into this world, we, as adults should have the absolute right to take ourselves out of it. We never signed a contract or gave consent to be here – therefore we should be under no obligation to stay.
Our own unique logic and rationality, as long as it’s not used to harm others, should guide our principles and decision making; not perceived cultural norms, religious institutions, or the psychiatric community. What the fuck is normal anyway?
I’ll see y’all in my next blog.